Women, seriously! wtf?

Women, what are they, what do they want and wtf are they for..

What they are. Physically a woman is virtually the same as a man with some important differences. These differences include; softer bodies, longer hair(most of the time), they're generally shorter(not including some behemoths that are specially created to gaurd the other weaker women), tits and the lack of not only a penis but testicles too, these seem to have been replaced with a cavity for storing items and often babies too.

Mentally it’s a whole different story. Women often come off as complex; this however is not how they are. Scientists have discovered that women come in different types, as opposed to men who all come in one type known as awesome. Effectively there are three types of women;

The Behemoth-



This scary looking thing is the Behemoth. The sole purpose of this creature is to protect and defend the other two types of women as they are vulnerable to many predators and us awesome men. Should one encounter a behemoth do not engage it any form of sexual contact, you will die! Little is known as to how these behemoths are formed, theories speculate that they are the result of combining women and brown bears. Next is...

The Whale-



This creature, much like an iceburg, is hard to document as only around 10% of it actually fits into an image. This creature's purpose is to slow and and often repel the enemies of the more vulnerable third type of woman. However as a result of the immobile nature of these beasts many do not succeed in stopping a man and his wingman from obtaining the rarer third type. the wingman however, as legendary as they all are, usually gets devoured when combat breaks out with one of these not so gentle earthquakers. Next up...

The Keeper-



This is the keeper, not only are they ridiculously attractive but these women go down without struggle EVERY time. The Keeper is the most saught after as it is not only the most attractive but also the safest to encounter. This is because it's more likely to cry and shake than to throw a fist full of sawdust in your eyes and then procede to stab you with a screwdriver.

Now that you know the three types of women, what are they for. Cooking! Yes, all three of these creatures whether ferocious, encumbersome or dead sexy, are all naturally skilled in the culinary arts. With training these can also be taught how to clean and maintain a household. One note however is that while all types of women can do these things, it is suggested that only the latter of the three be pursued. Why? Because a behemoth is more likely to destroy you in the process of taming it than then you actually succeeding in making it safe and a whale is more likely to consume anything it makes you as it has a naturally insatiable hunger. The keeper however will do what you say, when you say and can easily be stopped from rebelling with a swift backhand.

Practice caution!

Seeing Eyes

Sometimes I see some kinds of indecency, even in just really small ways, it infuriates me.

Just recently I was at the grocery store, buying a few things and while I'm waiting for the mindless young lady behind the counter to put the grocery's into their respective bags (even that she failed at. As i was getting the bags i saw that somehow the dry noodles wound up with the damn milk! but this isn't about her, or crushed noodles so i digress), I turn around to find one of those charity collection boxes for seeing eye dogs. If you're in Australia, you probably know the ones I'm talking about, shaped like a Labrador with a little coin slot in the top of it's head, and some little punk has decided he would be cool to tie a plastic bag over it's head! Seriously, what the hell? This damn charity is looking for a few bucks to make blind people's lives suck a little less, and you think it's "cool" to try and screw things up for them? I mean, these people only get a few dollars a WEEK and you try discourage even that?

I took the plastic bag off and recycled that thing, And those kids are lucky I used the provided bin instead of recycling it AS A MURDER WEAPON!!!

This stuff doesn't even count as vandalism. It's not a teenage surge of emotional expression, or a statement, it's some stupid kids doing some stupid kid stuff because their parents didn't beat them enough growing up!

I hope someone finds these kids in a few years and does what their parent's didn't have the guts to do.

ABORT THEM.

Top 5 rules of being in public

Have you ever noticed that when out in public some people just do not seem to get the basic rules of politeness.

The first rule I think that everyone should follow, please for the love of xanthos do not yell at someone across a courtyard, I do not need to know that you just stole somebodies Ipod and I do not need to know if you happen to sort of recognise that guy from somewhere or other, keep your voice down. Talking is fine, sure I yell enough as it is, but these are to the people directly next to me and its not loud enough so that somebody 50 meters away could hear me.

Second thing, I have a mohawk and people always point and stare, I dont really mind this, but if someone comes up to me to insult me on how I wear my hair... Hello, I've had my hair like this for over a year now, you can clearly see that because I have regrowth, if I have my hair like this I have it because I like it, I don't care what random strangers think about it so please dont come up to me and give me a one lined insult that makes no sense. If you really don't like it well lets sit down and have a conversation...

Which leads me to rule three!
Why do I care what the people in front of me are talking about or doing, I hate when my friends say something like "did you hear that lady in front of us her child has cancer" ok so maybe not that drastic but I still don't care. Little timmy can die of AIDS it doesnt affect me and I dont care. If I knew little timmy that would affect me but I would find out in my own time not by overhearing someone else say it. I hate even more when I overhear someone talking about something they overheard someone else talking about. This is just confusing and will only get more confusing. Please everyone, stop eavesdropping and make your own friends.

Rule four. Music. OK this is a touchy subject for me because I am a really big music fan, I listen to music constantly and you will only ever find me not listening to music because I have turned it off to listen to you. Thats the point. People never turn their music off to listen to other people any more. I have people at fast food stores place their order with their headphones in so loud they cannot hear, they would rather keep asking "What?" and saying "Speak up I can't hear you" then take their damn headphones out for two seconds, and those are the good ones...

Rule five. What's even more annoying is people who play music through their cellphones. Two things wrong with this, not everyone likes the same music and most of the people who play music from their phones listen to music that I do not particularly like.. and second even if I did like it, playing it through your phones loud speaker is like playing it through two cans attatched by a string. It sounds like shit! I heard a kid listening to the song "soulja boy" which I do not particularly like, but for the first half of the song I thought they where listening to a hardstyle dance song because you cannot hear it at all, and I was sitting next to him!

All Talk, No Show

I have recently come across something that has put me in a complete bad mood recently. Some guy threatened to smack my mate, and when my mate tried to retaliate, this guy hid behind his big friends, and that pissed me right off!!!

OK, now that I have taken a deep breath, I will show you what I mean. Say someone, you never liked came up to you and your mate with a couple of his friends and told you to back off and added some unnecessary swearing into the mix as well. You and your friends would want to put him in his place right? Well when you try to retaliate, he does the most chicken thing you can think of and hides behind a bunch of his mates.

It happens all the time around where I live and I've just had enough of it. If you can't take it then don't show it! If you don't have the guts to back yourself up then I'm thinking you shouldn't be where you are at all now should you?

Just another rant brought to you by Raditz

Aliens

Recently I was watching TV and a current affairs program had a section on Aliens. And yes I'm talking about the little green men obsessed with our leaders.

The section was based on people claiming that they've seen UFO's and the likelihood of that actually happening.

Well in my opinion, anyone who thinks that aliens are going to come to Earth and try and make peace with us is intellectually challenged.

From what I've noticed studying history in high school was that any society that discovered a new civilization and had better technology than the society discovered would inadvertently rape, pillage and plunder the lesser society.

Now what makes you think that aliens are going to come to Earth and want to share the secrets of the universe and become friends.

If anything they will come down and say "Wow you've got some pretty cool minerals, and materials, I think we'll take and we need some workers to build our stuff, your going to be our slaves and you can't stop us"

I also think that they will simply destroy our planet, we’ve been emitting radio waves for while now and these aliens could be picking them up. Really who wants to hear commercial radio and the mindless chatter of millions of mobile phone conversations.

My theory:

Let’s just hope they don’t find us.

Global warming

OK so, global warming has been a hot topic for a while and everyone is now becoming "Green" because of it.

I have nothing against ensuring the survival of mankind through being environmentally friendly, but the world needs
to get a few things straight.

1. This climate change isn't just starting now. There is nothing special about this "climate change", if there were, it would imply that climate was at some stage dormant. Climate always has been changing, and it always will be.

2. When scientists say that it has been the hottest summer in 20 years, and that means that it's the hottest summer in 20 years. Not all time. This has happened before, it will happen again. We have to deal with it. We are all going to die, but not because of some obscenely hot summer.

Based on the fact that in the past 110 years mankind has advanced more technologically than throughout it's entire existence,
that being said of course there is going to be an influx of carbon emissions.

Look I'm not saying that Global Warming isnt happening, I'm just saying that carbon emissions are not the only cause.

Possible Causes from a skeptics point of view:

The sun is expanding - the more fuel the sun burns the bigger it gets until the point in which it implodes.

We're getting closer to the sun - What are the chances that the earths gravitational pull around the sun is strictly going to stay uniform throughout
it's existence. We could be getting closer, we could be getting further away. Who knows.

First article. I hope you've liked it.

Pankun the diversion.

Pankun, for those of you who don't know who he is, is an adorable Chimpanzee in Japan who engages in every day human tasks such as catching trains, farming, making ramen noodles, going to P.E. class and so on.

At least this is what Pankun and his hairy knuckled brethren want us to believe. People, do not fall for this ape's tomfoolery! There is a very real threat at hand here, and Pankun is the reason that most of us don't see it. Pankun is nothing more then a hairy distraction, a diversion even, sent to us by the higher ups of the great apes. There have been other such distractions before him, and there will be more.

Sure, you may be asking "what do you mean?", "what is the real threat?" or even "Gantz, are you sure you aren't nuts?"

My answer to you is this...
For thousands of years we have kept the other primates down, while we have advanced and grown. Of course by forcing these hairy bastards to inhabit the jungles of the Southern hemisphere, certain time slots on discovery channel and select pages of National Geographic, we have created an enemy.

They are accumulating their masses and banding together, they want to bring us down. Have you ever wondered where the idea came from for Planet of the apes? Well it is actually the result of theory created by a collection scientists from all over the world. The theory is that if we don't make a conscious effort to keep our Hairy little friends down then we will in fact end up being the bitches of these filthy apes.

Many governments have cracked onto this while we, the unknowing public, are stuck in the struggle for our own dominance without even knowing it. What is being done in order to keep us on top? Well... various governments have come together and special teams, referred to as Poachers, have been organised with the sole task of assassinating the leaders of our furry knuckled foe. Examples of the actions of these Poachers includes the killing of Senkwekwe, a 500 pound silverback gorilla patriarch and 6 of his sergeants.

Where does Pankun come into all of this? well obviously he's an ape, naturally his allegiances lie with the enemy. Sure you may say "But he's cute and people love seeing him do funny things!" Why is that do you think... Because he enjoys it? No!

Pankun and other Chimpanzees are products of the enemy, carefully trained and instructed so that our attention my be focused on them. This program is run by the enemy both to try and brainwash us into retaliating against our leaders for the killing of their brethren and in an attempt to cast a shadow on the enemy's actions.

What actions by the enemy? Well what about Charla Nash, the 55 year old woman who a Chimp named Travis ambushed and attempted to assassinate. Charla was the target of an attempted assassination by the enemy beacause of her discovery of a new weapon in the war against primates. However since the attack the government has placed even stronger classifications on vital infomation regarding the war, so exactly what Charla discovered, i do not know. Charla has been left eyeless, noseless and jawless. I believe her loss will not be in vain.

The threat is there, whether we triumph is up to us... We need to band together against this tree climbing, banana eating menace.

Low Gross Films

Here it is, another rant!

Recently I went to see the movie called Rogue. Great, a good movie about big man eating crocodiles..
I said to myself, “well Jaws was a great and popular movie so this one should be a kick as well.”
I even thought the ad for the movie was a good one too.
So I went to see it all excited and everything and by the end of the movie I wanted to pull a gun and end my misery!
And don’t think it’s just that one low gross movie that I haven’t been pleased with, that is just an example of how annoying low gross films really are and many of you guys will agree with me.
The thing that really takes me over the edge is how great the ads for the movie looks but then it ends up to be a complete disappointment. I would love it if they wouldn’t show ads for such crappy films but I know that won’t happen unfortunately, seeing as they won’t make as much money off it. Now I know those guys have to get paid too, God forbid rich bitches like actors and directors don’t get paid even more money to spend on themselves!!!
I guess this will be just another issue that will stick around with us for the rest of my life. Great...

Crocodiles

You know, I'm usually pretty quiet as far as news, internet, whatever, is concerned, but every now and again I spot something that really annoys the hell out of me. I decided, hey, it might be fun instead of just fuming silently, I could actually vent it somewhere. So, I thought i would start with something recent.

On one of the RARE occasions that I actually watch Current Affairs programs, like when I can't gain the effort to change the channel after the real news programs, I inevitably see something that pisses me off, and this past Thursday was no different. It had been on, and I wrote this rant. then i decided not to post it. Then back it came again and that was it. Right over the edge for me. I had to put this up here, because while i feel sorry for the mother, IT DIDN'T MAKE THEM SEEM ANY LESS STUPID!!!

Now there was a certain story, on a certain Current Affairs Show in Australia about a young girl, I think 11 years old, being killed, and presumably eaten by a crocodile near Darwin, three weeks ago. Understandably, her grandmother, who was the one interviewed, is quite grief-stricken.
I'm going to come right out and say this. Grief is not an excuse, for stupid.

She said some things that really irked me, and one of them, and I believe this is verbatim;
"they're moving in on us. Moving in. We're not moving in on them"
I'm sorry, but what the fuck. Really. It's not "moving in" when we demolish the bush, scrub, THEIR GOD DAMN HOMES, whatever, to build houses? No sir, Dunnah Dunnah, they're coming for you. No, they aren't. They're coming to eat! I do think it sucks that this poor girl wound up lunch for what most people would describe as a monster, but she points out early in the interview, that every time it rained, the crocodiles would travel about 30kilometers looking for food! I'm not sure what better sign you need to stay the hell away from the muddy waters, but I'd say that's a pretty good sign.

This lady wants crocodiles who are out to eat to be shot dead. Seriously, show some damn common sense. If you really don't want them around, have them moved back away from civilization, or shoot the damn things yourself.

I'm really sorry to have to say this, but a combination of personal stupidity and poor supervision lead to this being a case of natural selection at it's finest.

Also, first post!