Women, seriously! wtf?

Women, what are they, what do they want and wtf are they for..

What they are. Physically a woman is virtually the same as a man with some important differences. These differences include; softer bodies, longer hair(most of the time), they're generally shorter(not including some behemoths that are specially created to gaurd the other weaker women), tits and the lack of not only a penis but testicles too, these seem to have been replaced with a cavity for storing items and often babies too.

Mentally it’s a whole different story. Women often come off as complex; this however is not how they are. Scientists have discovered that women come in different types, as opposed to men who all come in one type known as awesome. Effectively there are three types of women;

The Behemoth-



This scary looking thing is the Behemoth. The sole purpose of this creature is to protect and defend the other two types of women as they are vulnerable to many predators and us awesome men. Should one encounter a behemoth do not engage it any form of sexual contact, you will die! Little is known as to how these behemoths are formed, theories speculate that they are the result of combining women and brown bears. Next is...

The Whale-



This creature, much like an iceburg, is hard to document as only around 10% of it actually fits into an image. This creature's purpose is to slow and and often repel the enemies of the more vulnerable third type of woman. However as a result of the immobile nature of these beasts many do not succeed in stopping a man and his wingman from obtaining the rarer third type. the wingman however, as legendary as they all are, usually gets devoured when combat breaks out with one of these not so gentle earthquakers. Next up...

The Keeper-



This is the keeper, not only are they ridiculously attractive but these women go down without struggle EVERY time. The Keeper is the most saught after as it is not only the most attractive but also the safest to encounter. This is because it's more likely to cry and shake than to throw a fist full of sawdust in your eyes and then procede to stab you with a screwdriver.

Now that you know the three types of women, what are they for. Cooking! Yes, all three of these creatures whether ferocious, encumbersome or dead sexy, are all naturally skilled in the culinary arts. With training these can also be taught how to clean and maintain a household. One note however is that while all types of women can do these things, it is suggested that only the latter of the three be pursued. Why? Because a behemoth is more likely to destroy you in the process of taming it than then you actually succeeding in making it safe and a whale is more likely to consume anything it makes you as it has a naturally insatiable hunger. The keeper however will do what you say, when you say and can easily be stopped from rebelling with a swift backhand.

Practice caution!