Pankun, for those of you who don't know who he is, is an adorable Chimpanzee in Japan who engages in every day human tasks such as catching trains, farming, making ramen noodles, going to P.E. class and so on.
At least this is what Pankun and his hairy knuckled brethren want us to believe. People, do not fall for this ape's tomfoolery! There is a very real threat at hand here, and Pankun is the reason that most of us don't see it. Pankun is nothing more then a hairy distraction, a diversion even, sent to us by the higher ups of the great apes. There have been other such distractions before him, and there will be more.
Sure, you may be asking "what do you mean?", "what is the real threat?" or even "Gantz, are you sure you aren't nuts?"
My answer to you is this...
For thousands of years we have kept the other primates down, while we have advanced and grown. Of course by forcing these hairy bastards to inhabit the jungles of the Southern hemisphere, certain time slots on discovery channel and select pages of National Geographic, we have created an enemy.
They are accumulating their masses and banding together, they want to bring us down. Have you ever wondered where the idea came from for Planet of the apes? Well it is actually the result of theory created by a collection scientists from all over the world. The theory is that if we don't make a conscious effort to keep our Hairy little friends down then we will in fact end up being the bitches of these filthy apes.
Many governments have cracked onto this while we, the unknowing public, are stuck in the struggle for our own dominance without even knowing it. What is being done in order to keep us on top? Well... various governments have come together and special teams, referred to as Poachers, have been organised with the sole task of assassinating the leaders of our furry knuckled foe. Examples of the actions of these Poachers includes the killing of Senkwekwe, a 500 pound silverback gorilla patriarch and 6 of his sergeants.
Where does Pankun come into all of this? well obviously he's an ape, naturally his allegiances lie with the enemy. Sure you may say "But he's cute and people love seeing him do funny things!" Why is that do you think... Because he enjoys it? No!
Pankun and other Chimpanzees are products of the enemy, carefully trained and instructed so that our attention my be focused on them. This program is run by the enemy both to try and brainwash us into retaliating against our leaders for the killing of their brethren and in an attempt to cast a shadow on the enemy's actions.
What actions by the enemy? Well what about Charla Nash, the 55 year old woman who a Chimp named Travis ambushed and attempted to assassinate. Charla was the target of an attempted assassination by the enemy beacause of her discovery of a new weapon in the war against primates. However since the attack the government has placed even stronger classifications on vital infomation regarding the war, so exactly what Charla discovered, i do not know. Charla has been left eyeless, noseless and jawless. I believe her loss will not be in vain.
The threat is there, whether we triumph is up to us... We need to band together against this tree climbing, banana eating menace.
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